Never Trust a White Russian

by Kevin Burns


I never intended to set the white russian drinking record at John Festa's, the Canadian style Odawara eatery/bar, yet that is what I accomplished. It was Mike's idea to go there but we never even ate a meal, the appetizers and alcohol filled us up nicely. I definitely don't recommend mixing draft beer and white russians. I do recommend sitting close to the men's room.

It is amazing how much a train can spin when you close your eyes after drinking ten white russians.It seems to spin at all angles at once. The only way to stop it is to open your eyes and let everyone know with your glazed look, that "Hey, look over there, that gaijin is wasted."

I lasted three stops and got off the train. I felt my fellow passengers would not be interested in the fried squid I had consumed that night. Fried squid? Whose idea was that for food? What will they cook up next, battered car tire? It has about the same texture and firmness. Maybe they ripped me off and I was actually eating car tires.
Mmmhh car tires.....I prefer radials.

"I like John Festa's," Mike said, "It is so spaceous inside, the Tokyo restaurants are so cramped."I agreed. There were four other foreigners there that night and the place was fairly full by the time we staggered out. Mike pointed me to the station. That was kind of him. Getting off the train afteronly three stops wasn't the best idea, but I wasn't exactly thinking straight--nor walking straight for that matter. You know, Japanese will not pick up a sloshed hitch-hiking foreigner. I tried for about one hour staggering along one of the main roads and no one picked me up. Although I did not havea control person for the experiment--that is another drunken Japanese staggering along near me;I think my experiment is pretty conclusive that Japanese don't want drunken foreigners in theircars. Not that I blame them. I don't really want drunken Japanese in my car either.

Gohyakurakan Station is very far from my home. I highly recommend that you never get off the train in a drunken state far from home. Staggering along a main road is dangerous andmany people who know you probably see you. Temples make convenient resting places when you can stagger no longer. The platforms around the edge make for a makeshift bed until your stomach contents settles. It is sacriligeous to vomit on a temple. In view of this, I never did I am proud to say. I did drool a little. I confess. But that will wash!

The Japanese--being a people who love their alcohol, even have medicine for hang overs, GodBless them! I took some great medicine that made me feel somewhat human the next day. As well, the Aussies also being an "inebriated" sort, know that vegimite is conducive to bringing one back to the vaunted halls of humanity. I ate that too and it helped as well.

I have given up drinking. Don't even ask me!